Real Me

The real me is a sad person

and yells over the voice inside saying chill, you’re alright

The real me is lonely

and feels fraudulent expressing peace

when I can’t find it

The real me wants to be better in a real way

not in a temporary way

not in a fleeting way

not in a way that’s here and great today

and tumbleweed dust tomorrow

without warning

without a note

How long will you be gone this time?

Happiness isn’t a planner

She never tells me when she’ll be back

So I just have to wait

and try things out that I’ve heard can help lure her

like eating leafy greens

and i’ll take that walk

i’ll sit in water

i’ll rub oil on my body

and light a candle

and write my feelings

then thank them

burn them

then release them

and hope for the best

when I can find hope

and for the love of God

I’ll try not to destroy relationships in the meantime

that’s why people ghost

to keep their sabotage to themselves

Noble, no?

I don’t ghost though

because I want to be noble too

The real me knows that I’m everything

and that whatever I am at the moment feels the most real

Today, I am sad and I don’t remember any other feeling

I know I haven’t been very nice lately

but can you tell me something nice?

Can you tell me I’m in my head

and there’s so much more outside

Tell me I’m beautiful when I cry

but you hate to see it

Tell me you feel me and you see me and you hear my heart

and the apology I owe you isn’t necessary this time

Tell me it’s ok to feel dark

to ugly cry in the mirror

Please tell me that the real me isn’t broken

just human

 

 

 

 

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